My Mother is Crazy

I love my mom...

But she is crazy as hell! Check out the evidence!!!

• She went on a walk through the neighborhood. As she was walking she saw a little girl learning how to ride a bike in her driveway. The girl was pretty big and she was a little older, so my mom guessed that something was wrong with her (as in she was probably slow). There was a black SUV or as my mom calls it an SVU in front the driveway. The little girl peddled down the driveway on her bike toward the SVU and POW! She ran into the vehicle full force. My mom fell out laughing. Now y'all know that aint right!!!
• My mom is scary....I mean scary! The front door must be booby trapped at all times so she can tell if someone has been in the house or not. Below is the front door with the rug pulled up. There is also a piece of cardboard stuck between the door and the frame. If she comes home and the cardboard isnt there or the rug isnt pulled up someone has been in the house.

• The alarm goes on at 9:30pm sharp! I cant open any windows or go out of any doors after that time. If I do the alarm will go off and she is pissed. I would turn the alarm off and then set it back if I had to go somewhere after 9:30pm, but she wont show my how to set it. Probably because she doesnt want me to turn it off and forget to turn it back on.
• I let her babysit my beautiful betta, King, while I was packing and moving. I told her that he can eat once a day or once every other day. If he eats too much, he'll die. She left me a frantic message at work and said to call her back so I can check on the fish. I called her back and she said that he was at the top of the water flipping around. I said, okay...he's a fish. She said she feed him and he was still at the top like he was hungry. So she was going to feed him everytime he came to the top or everytime she felt he was hungry. I tried to explain that he was a fish and he is going to swim around, he doesnt understand being at the top or the bottom of the bowl. My poor fish is full...
• And lastly, my mother is something like my granny...she is a hoarder! Yes, she has icy hot that is older than me. She has clothes that she will never wear, cant fit and are out of style by at least 30 years. She has so many clothes that she filled her walk in closet and my whole closet. Seriously....seriously...

My plan was to move back in to save money, but I dont know how long I can last. The first day I moved in I started looking for apartments and houses (not only because I miss my hunny, but because this lady is crazy).

Please pray for me!